


Restless Gravity

by AvengersNewB



Category: Marvel (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, X-Factor (Comics)
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Space, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Beauty and the Beast Elements, Body Modification, Bonding, Cyborgs, Hurt/Comfort, Knotting, M/M, Mating Bites, Omega Tony Stark, Secret Identity, Temporary Amnesia, Warlord Steve Rogers, X-Factor #231, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24418945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvengersNewB/pseuds/AvengersNewB
Summary: Omega Tony Stark gets bonded to a human-hating space warlord, to get his people a new home after the destruction of their planet.Warlord - Arranged marriage AU, with a bit of a twist.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 102
Kudos: 447
Collections: Captain America/Iron Man Reverse Bang 2020





	Restless Gravity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MassiveSpaceWren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassiveSpaceWren/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Restless Gravity [ART]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24412729) by [MassiveSpaceWren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassiveSpaceWren/pseuds/MassiveSpaceWren). 



> I am honored that I had the chance to write a story for wren's AMAZING art. The art is just perfect, I love it so much and I couldn't be happier that I got to claim it first :)
> 
> Wren was amazing to work with and very helpful and open, I really hope you enjoy the fic <3
> 
> The story contains extremely mild gore, involuntary body modification, and mention of vomiting, but nothing too graphic.  
> The art is based on X-Factor #231, but this story happens in a complete Alternate Universe and you need no comics knoweledge to read it. 
> 
> I have been inspired by my beloved sabrecmc, as usual, with a number of details in this fic (more details in endnote ), so thank you so much <3 I've also been inspired by mpoumpouka's awesome fic, thank you! <3
> 
> Thank you to athletiger for your support and mizzy for awesome notes on 616 Tony and Steve.
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart to buckyaboveeverything and serinah; guys you know how grateful I am for all your help and many times of beta and everything else. <3 <3
> 
> JehBeeEh, you're my rock, I can't thank you enough for your help <3

Tony can’t tell what happened in Deathlok’s office. 

Not that he doesn’t want to; he tries many times during the two-hour ride back to the ship, after Rhodey stops yelling at him for the first half an hour or so. He tries to come up with some sort of explanation for the way the events unfolded, for the reason why he decided to say what he did. 

He can’t.

The road is bumpy and narrow, not built for vehicles the size of their rover obviously. Tall trees make the road dark and the branches slam against the cracked windshield. Tony might get a chance to fix the windshield after all, in the next week or so, when he is done being mated to X2 warlord, having his people settled and watch them eat lots of food with some real meat maybe.

***

The yelling continues on the ship. 

Pepper waits for Tony to address everyone in the communal area. She stands next to him, as usual, and listens with her best fake calm expression, as Tony explains how bonding with their warlord makes X2 responsible for providing food and shelter for Tony’s people. How they would be relatively safe, as safe as humans can be on a planet best known for destroying human colonies. Pepper claps happily with everyone else, pretending that she agrees with Tony about this being good news, and waits until they enter the operation center’s soundproof cone, before screaming at the top of her lungs for so long that she loses her voice at the end. Rhodey joins her halfway through and even Nat is sniffling and exhausted by the time Tony feels almost crushed and he is shaking a little bit. 

There is no other way as Carol points out, handing a tissue to Pepper as Nat holds a glass of water to Tony’s lips, for him to take a sip. X2 does not particularly need any technological help from Ferum, at least nothing that Tony can offer to showcase right now, and a bunch of hungry, sickly humans do not have much of an advantage as laborers in the land of enhanced individuals and mutants, even if Tony was willing to offer his people’s services in that capacity. They are running too low on food, with only drops of fuel left in the tanks, and they wouldn’t survive another week in space even if they did not have the deteriorating health of their wounded on their hands. 

Coming to a deal of some sort is in fact their only means of survival, in the short term at least, and Tony is doing his best here, for God’s sake, even if his best is never quite good enough.

There is nothing else to do, he rasps, as he leans into Pepper’s arms and closes his eyes. This is the only thing he has to offer to keep them all alive, at least before they figure something else out. This might be the only advantage of being one of the few omegas in the whole Galaxy-M, he thinks as he claws at his chest and rubs his RT unit. __A rare commodity,__ he whispers, listening to the thrumming heartbeat that could be Pepper’s or his own.

***

It will be fine. 

He can do this. 

He can handle anything, he tells himself as he packs the few pieces of semi-intact clothes he has left in his personal cabinet at the end of the communal area. People step away to let him through and give him space for a second before getting back to packing their things and they are all moving around in a mess of hands and feet and shabby clothes, old hard drives of family photos and loved ones’ mementos; remainders of a life that doesn’t exist anymore. 

He helps pack the belongings of the injured that are stuck in the beds of the east wing living quarters and smiles despite the lump in his throat when he goes through Happy’s things. He can do absolutely anything for the east wingers, to get them some proper care and enough medicine so their wounds can finally heal before catching the next infection. 

Tony helps a little girl - Riri, as he remembers correctly - get some broken toys and a half-burnt cloth doll from the bottom of a chest, and gives his blanket to a little boy -Harley, most probably - because he is shivering visibly, before lying down on his bench to close his eyes for a couple of hours. There is no space left on the floor by then and he knows for a fact that no one will agree to swap places and make the __Chief__ sleep on the floor, as much as he had tried every night for the first few weeks after Tenebrous attack damaged most of the living quarters in the west wing. They will have their own rooms tomorrow night, Tony tells himself as he turns onto his side, to look at X2’s pink moon through the small window. He will do anything, for the mere chance of giving his people a moment of peace after failing them this many times, and despite the lingering lightheadedness and the numb arm since Tony’s first encounter with his soon-to-be alpha, dealing with human-hating cyborgs is a breeze compared to the inevitable alternative; there is no way he can live through watching one more Ferumian die because of his shortcomings. 

He stretches and sighs and thinks about Steve’s narrow shoulders, pressed against his that late August night, as they were sitting by their little lake, watching their once-existing moon, which was a bit darker, but it was some shade of pink, definitely. He thinks about Steve’s voice, that had turned hoarse earlier that summer just after he turned 18, whispering his __vows__ in Tony’s ear, kissing his jaw, his hair, his neck, and the electrifying sensation that rolled through Tony’s body, the very same feeling that’s burning through his spine right now and pricking his eyes. 

Steve will never forgive him for what’s going to happen tomorrow, but Tony has a few empty spots left on his list of shortcomings, and disappointing the love of his life seems like the perfect addition.

***

Pepper and Nat manage the resettlement of Ferumians into a newly-built block of houses and Rhodey takes over the transfer of the injured to the main hospital. Tony would love to do both himself, to make sure everything would go smoothly, but he is otherwise occupied, needed at the main residence post haste.

Carol waits in the receiving area on the first floor, glaring at the blond girl who was whispering in Deathlok’s ear constantly yesterday. Tony is ushered into a small room where he sits at a simple table on an extremely uncomfortable chair and alternates between reading a stack of one hundred and thirty five pages of his bonding clauses and looking at his own reflection in the large mirror that’s on the wall in place of a window. The document is freshly printed but what’s inside must have been copied word for word from thousand-year-old deeds. Not that Tony expects X2 to be particularly progressive on bonding rules, while they happen every hundred years or so these days, but he would’ve preferred not to be forced to sign something with unreadable words like troth and unbelievable concepts like hierodules. 

Tony expects to see an appendix of some sort detailing the conditions of the Ferumians’ living situation but as far as the metal-armed, dark-haired guy, who is practically guarding the door, is concerned, this is the only document that will be signed before the ceremony.

It must be implied then, covered by __joining tables and beds and heads and hearts and sons and daughters and enemies and friends__ on page three, Tony mutters to himself as he runs his fingers over the disproportionally large D in Deathlok’s signature on the last page. He’s already signed and he is not even here to witness this glorified moment, and the nonexistence of any negotiation room, along with how quickly everything is progressing already from the resettlement of his people to the preparations of the ceremony Tony has seen all over the city, is comprehensive enough that this is a done deal.

It’s apparent that what Tony may or may not have to say has no weight here, and he is expected to be grateful for what his people are being given right now. It’s a cold power gesture that runs through Tony’s spine like an ice pole and he breathes through the chill that creeps under his skin and drops the ceremonial pen once only as he signs his bonding contract with shaky numb fingers. 

***

They have warm water and working bathrooms and Tony is thoroughly clean and dazed after indulging under the hot water for so long, so he smiles lazily as Carol adjusts the flowers on his ceremonial omega headdress. She combs Tony’s curls, trying to make them look more presentable, and grumbles about having used the last of her makeup in last month’s clown day so she won’t get to put some lipstick on Tony after waiting so many years for the opportunity. Tony laughs, grateful for the fortunate occurrence deep down, and reminds Carol of little Jhane who laughed for the first time in almost a year, because of Tony’s very red clown nose.

Something joyful is swirling in the air, as if a genuine good thing is about to happen. For a short second nothing hurts, no one is dead and no home planet is gone with galactic winds. People have homes, food and hospitals, and they are not going to shiver from the cold tonight, and Tony is getting bonded, who would have thought, with Carol by his side, as they planned with whispers and giggles all those years ago.

Tony bats Carol’s hand away as she tries to sneakily pinch Tony’s cheeks to make them blush, and looks at his reflection in the massive dressing mirror. The yellow and white flowers in the headdress match the ones embroidered on the ceremonial tunic exactly, and objectively, Tony looks nice, as much as a forty-something-year-old omega about to be bonded to a complete stranger could, really, and he can ignore the overwhelming mothball odor to focus on the scent of wild flowers. 

He can do this. 

He has to do this. 

This is the only way so this is the way Tony will go— with his head high and a smile, no matter what. It doesn’t matter if Steve’s whispers are getting louder in his ears or if his heart squeezes painfully in his chest with every single fucking beat.

***

The ceremony is lavish. It’s apparently an extraordinary event for the people all around this small globe, as every square inch of land that Tony can see from the balcony is occupied by people. Ferumians are right in the front, thanks to Pepper, who's standing next to Tony, refusing to let go of his hand till the moment the officiator - the guy with a long white beard from yesterday’s meeting, for lack of a better title, as no one cares to share their names in this damn place - asks for the alpha and the omega to join hands. Tony smiles at her and nods, and Pepper smiles back with an apology in her eyes, the realization perhaps that she has finally failed to save Tony from himself. Rhodey coughs from behind them, and Pepper lets go, finally taking a step back, as Carol wraps an arm around her, and Tony watches them for a moment longer, as Carol mouths ‘don’t cry’ to Pepper or to Tony or to herself.

Deathlok blesses everyone with his glorious presence a couple of minutes before the officiation starts, long after Tony and his omega pack have been guided to their spots on the third level balcony, by the blond girl and the metal-armed guy. He is in the same red and blue armor he was wearing yesterday, all metal and lights, except for the yellow and white flower ring around his neck, and Tony could swear that the alpha is supposed to wear a ceremonial tunic with matching embroidery, as he remembers from the ‘X2 Myths and Truths’ he read when he was eight as part of his intergalactic advanced cultural studies. Not that Tony cares or blames Deathlok's right-hand girl and the left-hand guy; the warlord does not seem to be one for cultural compliance. 

He offers his hands and Tony’s heart stops beating for a second. Noises quiet down and images disappear as Tony reaches out to hold the armored hands; everything stops existing and becomes unreal, except for Deathlok’s one blue eye that is piercing right into Tony’s soul and his face, the way he doesn’t smile or frown, the indifference that is burning and chilling at the same time. 

Tony doesn’t flinch when the metal fingers wrap around his. He imagines Steve’s skinny face, his beautiful smile, his perfect eyes, his calming voice, and his heart starts beating again. 

Deathlok lets go of Tony’s hands the moment they are pronounced bonded and disappears from sight as cheers fill the deafening silence. Rhodey hugs Tony, whispering reassuring words that never fail to warm Tony’s heart, as Nat rubs Tony’s arm and Pepper readjusts one of the yellow flowers that is sticking out apparently. They must seem like a happy bunch, from where his people are standing. It is indeed one of the happiest occasions in the galaxy, for an omega to get bonded, and God, Ferumians deserve all the happiness in the universe. They deserve to drink and dance, to forget about yesterday and tomorrow. They deserve to be happy tonight, as much as they can be as refugees among some extremely unfriendly faces who are politely ignoring them. It doesn’t really matter if Tony is not happy - he doesn’t deserve it anyway - but he can smile and hold back his tears, even if his heart is pressing painfully against his RT unit. It doesn’t matter if he can’t be ready for what’s gonna happen in a few hours and hasn’t stopped shivering in two days. He can do this. He can absolutely do this. 

Tony rubs his painful chest in between a lot of teary hugs and firm handshakes and keeps smiling at his people’s grateful but worried eyes. There is always a shred of hope, he tells himself, a light at the end of a black hole, a silver lining; X2 has ditched public biting apparently and the ceremonial consummation has not happened anywhere in Galaxy-M for the last 400 years.

Deathlok is not there when Tony and his omega pack get back to the residence. The companions are supposed to say their goodbyes to Tony and have a word with Deathlok as a traditional formality, but no one had been looking forward to that formality talk and no one seems to be sorry to miss out. They do say goodbye but no one cries; crying at the end of a bonding ceremony is for happy people who are not already devastated.

Tony goes to __his room__ andsits on the edge of the bed in his floral dress, unsure of what he is expected to do. He wants to punch the wall for having to think about what a proper omega would do, but he is not sure which would be more painful tomorrow; if he manages to break a hole into the wall, or if he breaks his fingers trying. He waits instead, wary and numb, for so long he can’t feel his feet when he moves them accidentally, and rehearses his apology speech to Steve so many times that the words lose their meaning before he falls asleep. 

*** 

Deathlok is not in the residence when Tony wakes up the next morning. Or the morning after, or the next one. Days go on to weeks and weeks drag on to months.

Life goes on.

Tony is occupied with his people during the day. He walks among their new houses and plays ball with little kids in their front yards, which are small but real, and helps with planting Zinnias, which Pepper has brought enough seeds from Ferum for all 542 households. 

They bring back morning meetings over real breakfast food, and Tony listens to Rhodey getting slightly flustered about how unexpectedly reasonable Deathlok’s head of weaponry has turned out to be. The winged guy who was most friendly in the initial meeting, Rhodey reminds Tony, and Carol rolls her eyes and puts her hands together to form a heart as they all laugh. 

Tony fixes whatever Pepper had asked earlier in the morning; the main hot water pipe for the back of the block, for example, or the power issue at the radio station that gets the whole neighborhood’s connection to the GALACTA back online. The latter brings over an unexpected visitor - Deathlok’s right-hand girl herself - who doesn’t smile still, but shakes Tony’s hand and thanks him __sincerely__ for his help. Sharon stays for afternoon tea as well, because no matter what planet you’re from originally, you show up in Anna’s vicinity, you stay for tea.

They do the evening meetings on the block’s playground, and Tony watches families scattered around the lawn and kids come down the giant slide on their bellies, while they listen to Nat explain the advances of the intel exchange between Ferum and X2 and how Deathlok’s chief of security has finally granted Nat’s access to X2’s confidential database in return for access to Ferum’s top-secret database which, thank God, had a back-up on Gala-Cloud. 

Tony goes to the hospital in the afternoon, to read to Happy, and hold the first Ferumian little girl born on X2, and wonders if it would help to take photos of the way lots of wounds are healing quickly to show Steve as part of the long explanation he will have to do one day. He wonders if it would help to ask Chloe to tell Steve about the happy tears that were running down her face as she kept shaking Tony’s hand when her five-year-old son was released from the hospital and started running around the moment Tony put him down. Steve might never forgive him, and Tony can't blame him really, but he might at least understand if he sits with Jarvis and listens to him talk about the joy of not being afloat in the middle of nowhere 'these few last years of his life’ even if the sky of X2 is too dark for his liking. 

He takes the side road back, smiling as he walks past Azar’s pastry shop and his heart swoons in an unexpected thrill when she asks Tony if her TV can be fixed as Shahab can’t shut up about Tony fixing his old radio. Tony should do more household electronic repairs, apparently; some X2ian fans might be helpful when Steve finally shows up, to push his ‘friendship around the galaxy’ buttons, maybe.

Tony gets home as the sun goes down, amazed at how it becomes easier to use this word every night. He walks up the stairs to the third floor, feeling a little less weight on his shoulders than the night before, and revels in the way he feels less guilty for the absolute bliss of standing under the hot water for a few minutes, as it feels like he’s accomplished something in his day.

It’s magic, or a location tracker maybe, that Deathlok always gets home when Tony is in the shower, and is sitting at the dinner table when Tony walks into the dining room. No one expects Tony to cook, and wouldn't they be disappointed if they did, but having dinner together is written in stone, and in their bonding deed as well, so they do that every night. 

Tony swallows the first bites in silence. He is always hungry these days, because he is walking distances longer than he had been between the east wing and the west wing of their ship maybe, or because he’s allowing his body to process hunger, now that him eating doesn’t mean someone else going a bit more hungry. Hopefully.

He talks about the arms enhancement program Rhodey is running with Sam and how Nat is getting closer to Bucky as he watches Deathlok eat. It becomes a game, quickly, and Tony starts counting his scores. Making Deathlok pause between bites is two points, and making him nod gets three. Making him stop and look at Tony… that gets Tony’s heart to flip-flop in his chest, for whatever stupid reason. He takes a deep breath and gives himself 10 points, as he continues to talk about how Pepper is turning three of the largest houses into junior and senior schools and loses counts of all the points, when Deathlok speaks to Tony for the first time. Ever.

“Sharon will organize supplies. Give her a list. I don’t think you can make notebooks and writing tools from the electrical scraps and old gizmos you have on your ship.”

And he smiles. 

Game over.

*** 

Tony spends a while counting the stars he recognizes as he turns on his side and presses his face into the pillow, before he falls asleep.

He might be getting too old for having coffee after 10 PM but he has a state-of-the-art coffee machine made in Hespera and phenomenal life-changing Austellusian beans which are almost as good as what they had on Ferum and he needs to appreciate the jaw-dropping gesture, and it’s kind of fun to see the way Deathlok’s face lights up, with every stupid coffee noise Tony makes since they’ve added drinking nightly coffee to their table-sharing tradition. 

It’s not humanly possible for Deathlok to have heard Tony walking past his door that night, miserable and grumbling that he hates the nonexistence of coffee on this planet. __Humanly__ though, as Rhodey likes to correct him every time he tells that story, while Pepper smiles fondly, and Carol exchanges funny looks with Nat, and that’s fair enough because no one knows for sure if Deathlok is human or not.

No one knows anything about him, Tony mumbles to himself as he turns to lie on his back to stare at the narrow pink crescent that has just showed up from under the purple clouds. No one knows for sure where he’s from, and where he has been before he appeared somewhere 400 miles north of where Tony is lying right now, 20 years ago. Tony remembers the breaking news all over Galaxy-M when an alpha cyborg demolished Thanos and his whole army within inches of X2 atmosphere and the longest celebrations Tony had ever seen on Ferum as they were right next in line after X2 to be attacked. 

He remembers that night, vividly, watching the moon from the window of his workshop, to rest his aching eyes a bit and the way the image of the moon got blurry with frustrated tears as he went over their last words with Steve for the thousandth time, desperate to find a clue on where the hell Steve had disappeared to. The night that everyone’s future seemed light and bright with Deathlok’s glorious victory and Tony’s life changed forever with the realization that Steve was actually gone. 

Tony never stopped looking though. He needs to know that Steve is alive and healthy at least, as much as he can be with that stupid good heart that did not know how to beat properly. He never gave up hope, and God, he still hopes so badly that he will find the man before taking his last breath in this universe. 

Part of him is hopeful, stupidly so, that something will come up and save him from the humiliation of explaining all of this to Steve someday. That Steve will never have to know Tony for the coward that he is, clinging to the justification of selling himself in order to save a colony of 3741 people, with 296 in hospital beds, while he has watched millions die because he didn’t do more. That he might get away with this game after all, if Deathlok keeps his distance a bit longer; until Tony comes up with a magical solution. An empty, peaceful, fully-equipped planet that no one knows about maybe, that Tony will take his people to, to live there happily ever after. 

The other part though is a whole other kind of stupid.

The other part thinks about Deathlok. The scars on his face and the hissing which Tony thought was some sort of electronic noise at first but is actually the sound of his constant pain, as he does every single thing. It’s the Chronic Cyborg Pain Syndrome as Amara told Tony a few days ago, and it is supposed to be manageable with Cordacilin which seems to be widely available in the main hospital. He thinks about Deathlok’s gloved hands and the boots that never seem to come off, the way he drags his feet every morning as he passes Tony’s bedroom on his way to the exit, and how he slows down at Tony’s door, each day a little bit more, but never stops before picking up pace again. His sad blue eye, with the tiniest bit of green, and that bit of hair that is always mussed right at the edge of his steel faceplate, and it’s becoming harder and harder every night for Tony not to reach over and comb them into place with his fingers. 

Tony thinks about Deathlok, a lot. He can’t figure him out properly and it’s getting harder every day to come up with a proper answer to why he had agreed to take in Tony and his people, in the first place. The initial obvious answer, that he is an alpha who would never say no to owning an omega, is not making sense anymore, if the fact that he has never set foot in Tony’s room, even when Tony is not in the residence, is something to go by. 

Deathlok and his planet are not fond of humans, obviously, but they are kind and compassionate at heart and they seem capable of seeing things for what they are, for accepting the bite of afternoon tea and sharing their old but usable electronic devices that keep getting delivered to the large communal post box at the block’s entrance anonymously every day.

Tony has already failed his people, many times and for the love of all the gods in the universe, they seem to finally be catching a much-deserved breather. They are finally happy, at least for today, and there are no other places to go really; no safe planets, no happily ever after. 

This is it. 

This is the only way.

***

It’s a random day.

A good day, as it might be, the beautiful sun shining, and it’s neither warm nor cold. Tony sips his precious luxury coffee, almost guiltfree, on his way to New Ferum, and enjoys breakfast in the monthly general meeting in their newly-built hall. Bucky joins mid-way and Tony can swear that he smiles at Nat, but Nat denies everything rather shamelessly. Tony talks about the circular motion of charged particles in cosmic x-rays to his high school seniors and takes his grade four kids to help with fixing the left side water tank, before heading to the hospital for his afternoon visit. Amara gives him a quick update, filling Tony’s heart with abundant joy, because from the entire wing that the Ferumians used to occupy the first night, only six rooms have patients now, and Happy is moving his fingers, so his consciousness score is going back up. Tony hums an X2ian tune, as he walks along the side road leading to the residence, and eats a little bit of the Zoolbia that Bahman insists that he should have a bite of before finally bringing up his ancient walkman which Tony takes home to see if he can fix somehow. 

He takes a shower and puts on the shirt the third graders made for him as their first sewing project, only after he promised he would ask Mr. Deathlok to visit their school. He can’t stop smiling when he sits down to eat and doesn’t hold back the itch in his fingers to comb through the blond hair on the edge of Deathlok’s faceplate when he puts some of the roast on Tony’s plate before his own.

***

Tony has thought about this moment many times over the past few months and yet—he can’t quite begin to compare what he had expected, to what actually happens.

He had not imagined the kiss to be this electrifying and to taste like honey. He had not expected to part his lips, just like that with the first touch of Deathlok’s tongue, and the shudder that runs through his spine from the brush of fingers over his skin, lighting up nerves he had long forgotten existed. He hadn’t thought about being swept off his feet and can’t believe the pounding in his chest that feels almost painful against his RT unit. Being laid on his alpha’s bed, so gently, and not being afraid, he hadn’t seen that coming at all, to feel safe in Deathlok’s arms, to be ready, to feel right. 

Tony feels like being outside of his body; he might be flying a little higher or floating a little low, but he can feel the hand that wraps around his waist, and the cold fingers that draw lines of fire on his stomach before the heavy, grounding palm rests on his chest, the prickling sensation buzzing over the scars which feels like Deathlok is somehow touching Tony’s heart. Deathlok’s voice slides down Tony’s ear, over his neck, and he asks something against the sensitive skin of Tony’s gland, warm breath and cool faceplate burning and healing at the same time. The words run over Tony’s brain without sinking in, but Tony knows without processing the words what question he needs to answer. 

He says yes, nods, and says yes again, as his fingers run feverishly through Deathlok’s hair. He might have also said please, more than once maybe, he can’t quite tell, but the slight press of teeth on his gland is the last thing he remembers from the world he has lived in for the past 40-something years. 

He doesn’t remember how he got to his room, or when. He can’t tell what time of day this is, or what day it is exactly. He remembers nothing, and yet he remembers everything; everything that matters at least. He remembers being held tight. He remembers the smooth caresses on his cheeks, the kisses on his hair, the gentle strokes on his back. He remembers the whispers that he is good, so many times that he can believe it a little, even now. The fever, the desire, the pure and raw sense of belonging that is tightening his chest still. It’s something he has never even dreamed of before, this combination of all the senses in the universe, an explosion of meteoric showers, a little star being born. The high, the ecstasy, the novelty of the rare moment of being good enough. It’s unbelievable, but it’s so real that Tony thinks he can reach out with his hand and grab the sensation, to hold onto it forever. 

And it’s in that absolute state of perfection, that most feverish second that burns through his body, that the realization hits him.

The man that held Tony in his arms, his alpha, his mate, is him. 

It’s him.

It’s Steve.

***

Tony is restless. 

He opens his eyes to the sun shining bright in the middle of the sky, so he has already missed his fifth graders’ mathematics class if it’s Wednesday today. He sits up in his bed, lightheaded and dizzy, and wonders if he’s still asleep or if he has finally woken up from the longest nightmare of Galaxy-M. He is awake apparently; he can touch his own face and his heart is beating funny, but the reality feels so freakishly unknown, he can’t tell if it’s a dream or another nightmare. 

Tony can never forgive himself. He walks around his room, and across the hallway from the entrance to the balcony, his head pounding and his chest heavy, and thinks about all the sneaky rover flights to F.8 and F.67 while Steve was here in X2, stuck in a mess of metal and wires. He can’t forgive himself for many things really, over and over again, but leaving Steve to this, is something he doesn’t think he can survive. 

It’s too late for his afternoon Algebra class by the time he fixes the flickering hallway light, and it’s such a shame as the class runs every other Thursday only. He walks across the living room, around the dining table and back into the living room again, and wants to kick himself with every step, as he thinks about watching the news about the mysterious X2 warrior front lining the battle against Thanos and not connecting the dots.

Carol walks in as he is cleaning the kitchen. She is here to show Tony the Galaxy-M model the fourth graders have built apparently, but her eyes get stuck on the very obvious bite mark that Tony’s tank top is not covering in any way shape, or form. She ruffles Tony’s hair, and kisses his cheek and holds him tighter than she usually does, and Tony wonders which would sound more absurd; if he tells Carol he is sick and worried for Deathlok or if he tells her that he thinks he has found Steve Rogers. He rests his head on her shoulder for a minute, as tears well up in his eyes, and offers to make some coffee for Carol instead; he hasn’t been in the mood to make coffee for himself alone, the past few nights.

He washes his sheets, and all his clothes and towels too, and walks into Deathlok— Steve, Steve’s room to see if there is anything there to wash. He owns no clothes, Tony realizes with a broken heart, not that Steve ever was into collecting belongings like that, but the fact that Steve __can’t__ wear clothes sits heavy in Tony’s heart like a hefty piece of lead and he can’t breathe properly for a few minutes. He lies on the bed, pretending to take deep breaths to steady his heart, but he is actually breathing in the scent, faint but distinct and God this is so fucking unfair that he misses Steve like this, all over again.

What is even more unfair and not supposed to happen at all, is that he misses Deathlok. Nesting hormones, the unknown omega science no one’s ever researched, or what-the-fuck-ever, but every single cell in his body wants him so much. Either of them. Both of them. He just wants him back.

What if he doesn’t come back? It’s stupid, Tony knows that he will. He is the warlord of this planet, and he has been in contact with his chiefs - and not with Tony, obviously - daily, but he had disappeared on Tony once before and Tony’s restless brain can’t stop thinking that he might do it all over again. 

He will be back soon, Sharon reassures Tony, as she holds his hand in hers. The lone wolf mission is taking a bit longer, Nat adds, but he is okay and will be back soon in a few more days.

Why did he have to go right after that night anyway? Was the biting so disappointing that he had to leave Tony before he even woke up? It was not an emergency as Bucky had explained, it’s just something he’d neededto do for a while. And he figured the best time was just as his mate was burning with biting fever. Well, __after__ Tony had been burning with the fever, and Tony knows that Deathlok is even less of a traditional, hand-holding alpha anyway, but it still hurts so much. 

He walks around the residence and opens and closes the doors without needing anything inside any of the rooms. What if Steve had suddenly remembered Tony too? What if he decided that Tony is a cheat, a failure, a let down that he wants nothing to do with anymore? 

Stupid. All so stupid. 

Tony takes a shower and wears another tank top. He even plans to cook Tahchin, because maybe Steve is suddenly disappointed that Tony can’t cook for shit when he hears heavy footsteps walking in through the main entrance, and his heart drops as his head spins and he has to hold on to the edge of the kitchen counter, to keep from falling down.

***

He is hurt. 

He is in pain, much more than before and the soft constant hiss turns into groans as he walks through the hallway. Tony runs as if his feet are operating on their own accord and can’t help breathing in the scent that is so obviously Steve, Tony wants to kick himself for being so stupidly oblivious. 

Steve doesn’t push Tony’s hand away but he doesn’t look at him either and Tony’s heart clenches with a sharp stabbing pain. He holds on to the hand that doesn’t seem to be hurt and wonders what kind of damage could make the other one bend at that awkward angle. It might be bleeding in the armor, Tony thinks, and he doesn’t even know how much of what’s inside the armor is flesh. He needs to call Amara. He needs his tools. He needs to get Steve out of this armor.

He helps Steve to sit on the edge of the bathroom bench and doesn’t listen to the muffled, tired requests to be left alone. Tony doesn’t mind the bare bone visible through the broken metal shell of Steve’s arm and he holds back his tears while taking off the armor’s chest plate, seeing Steve’s once pale skin, almost fully covered in scars. He takes off the boots and takes many deep breaths, trying so hard to concentrate on the fact that Steve is alive and here. He has robot toes at least, and he can walk, even if it’s with constant pain, and he is warm and breathing, so who cares about the fact that Tony can never make Steve laugh by tickling his pinky toe again.

He takes off the plates covering Steve’s thighs and bats Steve’s good hand away as he tries to stop Tony from touching his groin. Tony takes off the last piece of the armor and wonders what in the galaxy is wrong with Steve that he thinks it’s okay not to wear anything under this suit of armor.

He cleans the wounds and staples the broken pieces of the metal arm together to keep all the exposed nerves inside at least. He grits his teeth, with every pained noise from Steve’s lips as he helps Steve to bed, slowly but surely, and doesn’t ask for permission as he slides under the covers with him, surprised that Steve doesn’t object in response. This is not the way he had expected to spend his first night in the same bed as Steve, by no means, but the mere fact of getting to spend one night with Steve is exhilarating enough to take him through another 20 years of life. With him though, Tony tells himself as he tentatively reaches over to wrap his arm around Steve’s chest. He can’t go one more second without him; never again.

***

No one expects Tony to cook, but he apparently enjoys cooking. It’s like doing a chemistry experiment with his sixth graders, especially now that they mostly use kitchen equipment anyway. You just follow the instructions, stick to the measurements, and hope for the best. 

The results are, well, half-decent at least.

Steve probably can eat with his left hand too, but Tony takes the fork and feeds him anyway. Steve talks about the people of X2.769 planet, and how Ereshkigal is not gonna bother them again, and the sparkle in his eye is so obviously Steve that it breaks Tony’s heart a little. His voice has more static than usual, and he smiles, pained but wide when Tony explains how he can change the mini speaker's wire connector to make it all better. 

Steve eats the third egg, and sips some of Tony’s coffee reluctantly as it’s apparently __only for Tony__ , and talks about the constant nightmares he has of humans who have done this to him, as he points down to his bare chest casually, and Tony is grateful that he is not eating anything, as he is not that comfortable yet to throw up in front of Steve. 

They’ve done something to his body which has gone horribly wrong, but he doesn’t know what, and he can’t tell why either. Steve talks about waking up multiple times in different operating theatres and mentions the incessant pain since then that no painkiller can really help with. That has to be fixed sometime very soon, as far as Tony is concerned; there must be a way to suppress the nerves transmitting the pain signals or some modification on the central nervous system. Amara has done a lot of research on cyborg health and Tony is certain that she could come up with some solution.

Tony watches the red LED that blinks where a beautiful blue eye used to be as he listens to the way Steve broke out of the hole in the ground where they were keeping him in the middle of nowhere on an inhabitable planet, and how Bucky found him almost dead onboard of the ship Steve had managed to fly away with. Tony leans forward to kiss the LED then; It’s not the perfect blue eye that used to be there, but it’s Steve’s and it’s as beautiful just because of that. Steve wraps his good hand around Tony’s waist, pulling him in and Tony forgets to breathe for a second. He kisses Steve’s hair on the edge of the faceplate that seems to be Tony’s new favorite spot, and Steve’s breath hitches in a way that makes Tony feel like he is 20-something again. 

It’s heaven; a dystopian version maybe, but it’s the best Tony has had for so long. For the first time in forever, nothing is missing from his life and all the things he can control are where they are supposed to be. Happy said some words the other day, and the Zinnia flowers in New Ferum front yards are in full bloom. Steve’s in Tony’s arms, even if he doesn’t know it himself, but it’s him, it’s him, it’s absolutely him. 

“I don’t know if I hate humans anymore,” Steve says as he lifts his head to face Tony, “not all of them.”

He tugs Tony down, gently, and Tony sits cautiously, worried about hurting Steve. “The way you offered yourself to save your people… I did not think that was something humans do.” He looks into Tony’s eyes and kisses Tony’s cheek, so gently it is almost crazy. “The way you started trying the first day, how you held that old lady’s hand and helped her get to her house when she had too much to drink as usual… I couldn’t believe my own eye.” __Mrs. Salkhordeh__ Tony adds, and yes, his cheeks start to heat up with the way Steve’s eye goes wide for a second. “You should have listened to Sharon going on and on about what you did to the main optical network thingy of the western side of the city,” he says with a smile. “She couldn’t stop rambling about the doubled performance ratios. Like I have any idea what she is talking about.” It was just a line of code, Tony explains, but something sweet fills a little part of Tony’s heart anyway. 

“And you talked to me every night, while you absolutely didn’t need to. You didn’t have to eat with me, you didn’t have to take a shower for dinner every night.” And he sounds … genuine. As if talking to someone you share a house with is a big deal, or standing under the hot water is a big romantic gesture. How classically Steve. 

“You didn’t have to let me bite you, Tony,” he whispers and Tony’s heart starts to beat fast, because, there seems to be a reason why Steve had to run away to another planet, right after that night. Steve hides his face in Tony’s chest, and his lips tickle Tony’s skin through the thin fabric of the tank top. “I am sorry you can’t be with the guy you… are obviously in love with. This other guy, that you... were calling out for when you... had the fever. I wish there was a way you could be with him and stay here too. Maybe... someday we can change things—” 

Tony kisses Steve, slowly at first because his face might be sore too before he loses himself completely as Steve’s fingers start to ghost over the bite mark. “It’s you,” he whispers, as he runs his hands through Steve’s hair and caresses the faceplate as the kiss gets deeper, and deeper, and deeper.

Self-sacrificing, big-hearted idiot; definitely Steve.

***

Tony expects Steve to be shocked. Or sad or irritated. He doesn’t say much though, as he listens to Tony talk about __his__ Steve. His expression doesn’t change as Tony goes on, and Tony gets baffled for that. Does he believe Tony, just like that? Does he feel something too, or he has no idea who he is whatsoever, that he doesn't mind taking this guy Tony’s in love with’s identity? Tony can’t tell which one hurts more; he just knows that he wants to wrap Steve in a warm blanket and hold on to him for the rest of his life.

Steve smiles and agrees to come to Tony’s ship so Tony can fix the metal shell of his arm and God, Steve needs clothes because this will be the last time Tony would have Steve putting armor on while injured all over. 

They walk around the ship, __holding hands,__ because Steve doesn’t seem to mind and it feels surreal having him onboard after obsessing about never being able to have him around for so long. Steve admires the operations center and grins like he used to, when Tony explains why he named Stark Intergalactical’s first robot vacuum cleaner ‘Rogers.S’. Not that Tony is looking for more proof that Deathlok is actually Steve, but the way he forgets everything for a few seconds and runs after Rogers.S to watch it suck dust, counts as one for sure. 

Tony fixes Steve’s arm’s damaged nerve cords, and lays the synthetic tissues as neatly as he possibly can. He can’t begin to think of how much pain Steve is feeling, with the way he digs his nails into his palm and grits his teeth desperately as Tony merges the broken tissue bonds. Tony leaves the metal shell open for a bit, so he can run a diagnostic analysis on the nervous mesh to find the perfect spot for pain suppression intervention, and turns on the workshop projector. The lights go dim and Tony watches Steve as he watches the hologram video of a school play where two little boys are acting on the stage. He knows the video by heart, and can tell Steve’s watching the dance scene when he smiles fondly and the adorable tearful hug at the end as Steve’s cheeks color a little bit. He watches Steve as hundreds of photos of the two boys play on slideshow, from football court to skate ring and all the school year photos, presentation ceremonies, high school graduations, and summer camps. And their last photo, the very last night right after they came back from the lake, still blushing a bit from having said their vows and all the soft kisses, Tony’s hand around Steve’s thin waist, Steve’s head laid on top of Tony’s from the side. Tony can’t remember if Carol took the photo, or Rhodey, but he remembers exactly how he felt right in that second. 

Safe, as if nothing in the world could defeat him as long as he stood by Steve’s side, and for some odd reason that’s beyond him completely, he feels just like that, as Steve closes his fingers around his. Tony turns to look at him, not caring to keep his tears back anymore, and he closes his eyes as Steve kisses his tears and his eyes and the side of his face, whispering that it will be okay, that everything will be okay, so confidently that it leaves Tony without a doubt, almost.

Tony talks about all the letters and gifts that have exploded into a million pieces with almost everything else on the planet and his voice breaks again as he talks about the tragedy of losing almost everyone, as Ferum was destroyed by Galactus. 

There is one thing in Tony’s belongings on the ship, though, which he did not think he would ever get to use, but miracles seem to happen after all, in the form of loved ones who don’t look like themselves anymore. There is no recognition in Steve’s face at seeing the most precious thing he once owned, but he runs his fingers on the red and gold threads of the knotting wrap, and he smiles at Tony. He will keep this, he tells Tony, as his eye darkens a little; he might need it very soon apparently.

And at the very back of his cabinet, Tony finds something that makes his heart go crazy for a second. He had almost forgotten about the bottle of 83-year-old whiskey he left in the ship, years ago. He remembers the drunken dream vividly, as he explains to Steve, in which Steve punched him on the chest as he used to do always, pretending it wouldn’t hurt that much because his fists were tiny, and held Tony in his arms, and his voice in the dream that asked Tony to save some of the drink for him too. Tony remembers waking up, sweating and shivering at the same time, and capping the bottle before shoving it in the cabinet, for good. He opens the bottle and tells Steve how he had saved all the drinks he had since craved to have for Steve, so Steve smiles and takes a sip, and Tony’s heart slows down again; it’s the day of dreams coming true.

Tony molds the broken metal of the arm back together, and thank God, there are no nerve connections in the metal shell itself, so Steve doesn’t feel anything. He kisses Steve’s forehead and sits at his desk to read through the detailed diagnostic report of Steve’s nervous system. The first few pages seem promising and there seem to be a couple of work-arounds to stop the pain, but the first line in the fifth page makes Tony’s heart go arrhythmic and the RT unit suddenly feels too big for his chest cavity.

There is a resistance point in the nervous system that is blocking access to a significant portion of Steve's frontal lobe.

The memories lobe. 

Something is blocking Steve’s memories.

***

Pepper narrows her eyes and Rhodey starts to pace around the warlord’s office. Carol can’t stop staring at Steve for a few minutes before pressing closer to Tony and holding his hand. Sam asks Amara so many detailed questions about all the possible complications while Sharon argues the chances of Deathlok being Steve with Nat rather loudly, but Steve coughs and holds up a hand, so everyone stops talking.

“I understand it’s a lot to take in for all of you, but I am asking for your patience and understanding here. I think we should all trust Tony when he says he is certain. I do, anyway. I want to know what happened. I need to know.”

And he pulls Tony closer to kiss the side of his face, turning Tony into a 40-something-year-old blushing omega, all of a sudden.

***

The north wing of the hospital has only two patients now that all the Ferumians are released from the hospital. Happy is in rehab and can walk two steps on his own to hug Tony, and Tony does his best not to squeeze his now rather tiny figure. No one tells him about Steve's situation though as Pepper repeats a million times, his heart is not strong enough for any kind of shock yet.

Tony expects X2 chiefs to want Dr. Richards to do the operation but no one brings anything up. Sharon kisses Steve’s forehead and Bucky hugs him tight, as Sam holds his hand in his as he whispers quietly in his ear, all too sentimental for X2ians as far as Tony can tell. Steve is smiling the whole time and even makes a few jokes, but nothing is funny at the moment and no one laughs, except for Steve himself. 

Tony helps Steve take the armor off and holds Steve’s hand as they check the consistency of Steve’s brain backup from the night before and watches Amara disconnect the sensory artificial nerve cord from the rest of the nervous mesh, to induce the sleeping state, with blurry eyes as Steve’s fingers go lax in Tony’s sweaty, shaking hands.

What if he is wrong altogether?

What if there are no issues with the memory lobe, or something goes wrong and he loses Steve forever? It would be the cruelest joke of the universe for him to have come so far just to lose him now, but the universe has played many cruel jokes on Tony, and there is nothing to say it has decided to stop.

It was Steve’s choice, he tells himself, but he doesn’t believe it for one second. If something happens to Steve, Gods of all the universes forbid, everyone will know it’s Tony’s fault, while Bucky might go even further and break Tony’s neck, not that Tony will blame him. 

He will be fine. Steve will come out just alright. 

But what if he remembers that he left because he was done with Tony? It’s a possibility not so low in Tony’s list of reasons for Steve’s sudden departure. The number one reason sometimes, at the end of every fruitless, crazy search period. He thinks about their fights and how Steve used to say he was not good enough for Tony, from time to time, and the same cold wave of dread runs down his back for a second. Stupid. He is being stupid. 

He sits down on the edge of the bench, and listens to the blood pounding in his ears. He seems to be having a fever, that is making him shiver too and he is suddenly too tired to keep his eyes open. He hasn’t slept in forever, and right now, that’s all he seems to be able to do. He lays his head against the wall and closes his eyes, wondering how the insides of one’s eyes can feel feverish too before he falls into a light, restless sleep. 

Tony wakes up in a puddle of sweat under a heavy hospital blanket Pepper must have covered him with. He stands up too quickly and he almost flails, lightheaded, before Rhodey grabs his arm. This is how walking on the Purple Giant Star should feel, Tony’s brain provides out of nowhere, as he blinks to clear his vision, but he somehow can’t see properly still. He is cold on the inside, frozen almost, but it feels like his skin is boiling and evaporating at the same time. The hallway stretches before him and it takes them a million years to take the few steps towards the intensive care unit. Tony holds onto the door to keep steady, and sways forward when Amara opens the door. The sounds are muffled and the colors blend together and he toddles forward as if floating in a river of boiling water. The only clear concept, however, is Steve. He is like a point of gravity in a swirling cloud of interstellar gas and Tony is drawn to him, with every cell in his body. Steve is there, awake, looking at Tony, and Tony can’t tell if it’s the hazy nightmare or if it’s real, the different light that is shining in Steve’s eye.

There is a new reflection, he thinks as he finally reaches Steve’s bedside, or an old one maybe. There is recognition and something that feels like a million old memories, the way he used to look at Tony and it’s out of this world to have that look back, even if it’s only Tony’s imagination. 

Miracles do happen.

Sometimes, maybe, and they take many years and so fucking many tears, but they actually do happen, even to the most undeserving of people like Tony. It’s a miracle, and not the make-believe plays of Tony’s fever, that Steve holds Tony and draws him in, his touch like a cool rain on a desert planet. It’s the perfect proof that good things happen from time to time as well, after all the death and the sorrow and the wandering across the universe with only the clothes on your back. That people you lose come back to you after so long, that life has good things in its bag too, because Steve’s kisses slide over the side of Tony’s face, down his neck and rest on the bite mark, and Tony doesn't know what exactly happens after that, because he whispers against Tony’s skin, and his words settle into Tony’s heart.

“I remember.”

***

Steve remembers their first kiss, when Carol pronounced them husband and wife. He remembers the fish in the lake that August afternoon, and their six year old hearts thinking it’s a magical day, because the moon and the sun were both in the sky. He tells Tony that he remembers the first time, he felt the pang in his heart, and he knew Tony was his for the rest of their lives. He remembers their song, __I have died every day, waiting for you__ , and the very last time they danced, the feeling of their bodies pressed together like it was yesterday.

He remembers how his muscles doubled in a matter of seconds, and Tony’s stomach churns, as Steve describes the blood and damaged flesh that was everywhere in the glass room suddenly. Tony lays his head against Steve’s chest, trying to swallow back on the bile, and thinks about the silver lining, that Steve’s heart never used to sound this rhythmic and strong in his chest. 

Tony wants to punch Steve. He also wants to cradle his head and kiss every inch of him, metal or flesh, because of course Steve fucking Rogers would want to do something drastic like that just to be able to __serve his people__ , and _ _fight Thanos,__ and of course, he kept it from everyone, especially Tony. He is Steve. He does what he thinks is right, no matter what, like taking in a bunch of human refugees and not touching the tribute he has been offered in return. 

He at least got to save Ferum, at least back then, and he saved X2 too, so no one mentions how ridiculously stupid Steve can be sometimes, as they kiss and hug and shed tears, except for Rhodey who shakes his head and huffs, remembering all those nights probably, that he had to drag a passed-out Tony from the lakeside to his bed, without anyone seeing their Chief in that condition.

Tony lies down next to Steve at some point, and listens to Steve as he banters with Bucky who insists on calling him Deathlok still, before he falls into a deep dreamless sleep.

***

Tony’s body is slowly turning into a pool of lava, burning up inch by inch, as the desire seeps from his belly and spreads all over, to his chest, his thighs, the top of his head, and the tip of his toes.

Steve's stream of kisses and slow strokes runs from Tony’s throat all the way down to his navel and steams over Tony’s chest like a hot spring, melting Tony’s skin as he trails over the scars around Tony's RT unit. Tony swims in Steve’s waves, lets himself be washed away from the shore and be brought back, and tiny pieces of rainbow run down Tony’s skin as Steve tastes Tony and his words turn into broken sounds that have no meaning but make perfect sense. 

This is it.

The pure sense of being complete, that rolls through Tony’s body and lights up his soul, what he thought he’d lost forever as Steve’s body moves along his, in perfect harmony, and the way he says Tony’s name as they become one, finally, after waiting a lifetime. He bites Tony’s gland before the world disappears altogether, and the only thing left is their bodies covered with the smooth red and gold fabric of their knotting wrap, laced together so tight that absolutely nothing can break them apart, ever again. 

It’s a warm August afternoon; a magical day, as the sun and the moon are in the sky together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it <3  
> Please tell me what you think, kudos, and comments are highly appreciated.
> 
> Other than warlord Steve, and my general fascination with ABO dynamics, I've gotten the idea of the knotting wrap from sabre as well :) ( I am sure there is more in the fic inspired by sabre)  
> The idea of Tony offering himself to provide a better life for his people is done excellently in mpoumpouka's A Willing Body and a Treacherous Heart. I've also been inspired by Tony and Steve's young love in that fic. It's such an awesome ficccc <3
> 
> This is the [flower](https://www.space.com/31658-zinnia-flowers-bloom-in-space-photo.html) that grows in space!  
> Their song is [A Thousand Years ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00)by Christina Perri.
> 
> A lot of other stuff is handwaved by me :)))
> 
> I am [avengersNewB](https://avengersnewb.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, come talk to me!


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